What would you do in this awkward moment?
Here’s the scenario: You attend a social function and you’re talking with a group of 5 people, none of whom you work with. One person in the group makes an flippant 
remark about a particular ethnic group. The remark is tangential to the conversation. The remark does not appear to be hateful, but it does indicate an underlying bigotry. You are surprised by the comment and it affects your perception of this person. What would you do?
I asked this question in an informal online poll and the results were interesting. In written comments that accompanied some responses, a few individuals admitted they wanted to avoid conflict at any odds. Some said that they would confront the “offender”. Many said that they’d handle the situation differently in a social as compared to a business situation. Here is the poll question and resulting stats: What would you do at a party if someone made a tangential, bigoted comment about an ethnic group? (social event, not business)
Results as of 1/17/10 |
| 9% | Act like I didn't hear it |
|---|
| 9% | Look at the person and act surprised |
|---|
| 18% | Not say anything, walk away |
|---|
| 22% | Confront the person in a very direct way |
|---|
| 42% | Verbalize my own discomfort with the offensive statement |
|---|
Prejudicial comments about another race or group of people is inappropriate. As many respondents noted, response may differ in social versus business situations. It is expected for a manager to directly confront an employee and to define appropriate behavior in the workplace. In personal or social situations, the approach might not involve confrontation. However, it is totally appropriate and you have the right to state your discomfort with an inappropriate statement. You are not being judgmental (though the offending speaker IS being judgmental).
In the social situation described above, you can indicate your own feelings and perceptions openly without trampling over the other person. Assertive communication is respectful to yourself because you are stating your own views without being so confrontational that a fight breaks out! Rather than be accusatory, take the "I" approach: “I feel uncomfortable when I hear ..." or "I feel this way…” This position will earn the respect of others and may help them feel more comfortable in stating their positions also .It is clear from the poll responses, that the largest percentage of people would take that position in a social situation.
NAME TAGS PLEASE! On behalf of all of us patients and customers, please ensure that your staff wear nametags!
A person's name is the smallest increment of relationship. It's pretty hard for us to feel a true connection with another person if we don't even know or can't remember that person's name. It's awkward when we recall detailed conversations with a team member, but it's been 6 months and we just can't remember that person's name. The name tags help us communicate more effectvely with your team and in the smallest way this helps to build and maintain relationships!